Dear Friend, Happiness is a state of mind. The feeling of depression and being unworthy originate in “the mind”. Depression can be a result of a tragic event or a past trauma or due to a public embarrassment when in the wrong company or just after seeing someone else happier than you are. These are all mind games. So, did you ever thought of making your mind a bit stronger! Hmm? Worthlessness is a feeling and “a feeling” is everything that controls happiness. If you desire approval from others, then people can shame you, embarrass you and then manipulate your actions and make you feel depressed and worthless.
“When you know your worth, no one can make you feel worthless.
Your brain can be trained to feel worthy and confident every second of every day.
But nowadays everyone is only training themselves to distract their brain with the edited pictures of their happy followers, and in turn filling their own minds with:-
# Envy,
# Jealousy,
# Hatred and
# A strong feeling of being less worthy.
In these times just remember
“You’re a gorgeous human being with a beautiful mind and soul”
And too often we forget that we are worthy of Self-love.
“You are worthy of being chosen, fought for, and loved, remember that”
How the feeling of depression can take over anyone in life, How to fight it?
You will never know when the feeling of depression will creep into your life, so you have to be always ready for facing it. Get it?
Let’s elaborate. You will always have to be ready to fight your depression, so my dear friend prepare to fight depression today itself. The ways are as follows:
>> Start loving yourself and create a strong bonding with the inner self.
>> Define your own actions before committing them.
>> Take full responsibility for your own actions.
>> Appreciate yourself daily,
>> Credit yourself for your work,
>> Don’t be dependent on anyone, be self-sufficient,
>> Don’t rely on anyone else’s approval,
> Don’t be greedy for appreciation from others.
“Self-worth is a belief about how much you value yourself”
Low self-esteem is another reason for depression.
You could feel lonely and scary in this world, especially when you carry low esteem. This one is the perfect recipe for depression.
The best remedy I apply for myself, in this case, is to practice self-advice.
How to Self-advice?
Have a moment of silence and connect with your inner self as you need to talk to your soul.
While talking to your inner self, just imagine that you are advising a good friend of yours. Do this whenever you are in trouble. Talk to yourself and advise yourself, approach your problems like you would advise a good friend. It works effectively.
I was in a depression for 8 very long years.
But, I felt anxious and it was accompanied by my powerful negative thoughts.
I had an obsession that my life was not worth living.
Fighting with it, I had learned that “I cannot choose my feelings, but I can choose my thoughts”.
Then I learnt to redirect my thoughts and focus my thoughts on something positive.
The trick I used was: I had made a photo journal of all my loved ones, those who refreshed my happy memories. Whenever I felt lonely, depressed or sad, I just opened my photo book and I looked at all my loved ones, those who loved and cared for me unconditionally. It gave me a reason to live more. I became more passionate about doing my daily chores.
I faced few mishaps in my life and my grief taught me that with every pain comes a lesson.
“The pain eventually subsides and excellence take its place”
Always remember that,
“no matter how worthless you feel, you are someone’s reason to smile”
Qn: I feel ugly, worthless, useless and a burden to others. I feel heartless and numb. How do I find a will to live when I don’t have a will to do the things that I love?
“Existence already accepts you. You don’t have to earn it, you are already worthy. Relax, enjoy the way nature has made you” – Author: Osho
And “the will of the strong shall never be shaken by the doubts of the weak”
Sweetheart, you are not useless, not in the least. I do understand all the thoughts inside your mind right now because I was in the same situation for complete 8 years, but I held my ground and made a way out of it.
You must be feeling that:
>> I am not enough.
>> I am a burden to my family.
>> My life is useless.
>> I am worthless.
>> I can’t get enough.
“Whenever you feel worthless, remember, you were once the quickest sperm cell”
Believe me, these all allegations that you have put on yourself are absolutely 100% “Not-True”. Because everyone is already born with a purpose in life.
“Accept yourself, your strengths, your weakness, your truths, and know what tools you have to fulfill your purpose” –Steve Maraboli
So, what is my purpose in life?
You don’t have to strive hard to find a purpose in life. You are already living your purpose. The exact location where you are placed and providing your services was chosen by your creator.
# Your body,
# Your life,
# Your environment, all were decided by your creator.
So, it is better that you surrender and accept them “as it is”.
Do you know why I say this?
Because none of us can rebel against the plan of the infinite intelligence (God).
“There is a plan in the universe that is playing itself perfectly”
This plan doesn’t need us or anybody’s help. Yes, I am talking about the God’s plan and there are just a few things we can do about it, which are:-
>> Believe in it,
>> Trust the God’s plan,
>> Surrender to it and
>> Finally, accept the plan of the infinite.
Everyone is born with a predestinated purpose, Just keep that in mind. You are fulfilling your purpose by just living effectively.
The most you should thrive to fulfill is:-
>> Care for your loved ones,
>> Living with a motive of serving and
>> Practicing correct gratitude.
It is a possibility that you might not feel like you have a purpose in life, but at that time you should:-
# Just trust the plan,
# Stay put and
# Hold your ground, wherever you are and one day you will understand it eventually.
All it takes is just “time and strength”
Qn: I’ve become very insecure, I hate myself. My life has become very depressing to the point where I would rather avoid people until it gets better, because I am ashamed. What advice would you give me?
There could be many reasons that you are feeling this way. From the medical point of view, your depression could be:-
>> Due to lack of your sleep
>> The bad food choices you make or
>> Maybe you are facing mental abuse from fake friends and disturbed family.
These all situations give you certain feelings and your feelings has the power to control:-
>> Your life,
>> Your depression,
>> Your stress and
>> Your feeling of worthlessness.
Please please please do not hate yourself. I am begging you, please do not be so hard on yourself. There are also many good people in the world, find them and seek help!.
You must be having many valid reasons to hate your existence, but believe me, they all will turn out to be illogical.
Hey, are you hating yourself because someone else talked some shit about you?
Tell me that, do you really need someone else’s approval to feel happy in life.
Losers have this trait of approval, are you one?
No, you are not.
$ You are more than you appear to be.
$ You are a masterpiece in your own world.
$ You are a creation of the almighty.
All your limbs and body organs work perfectly, do you know what a perfect engineering marvel your body is?
“Your Body is an Epitome of Perfection”
There are several ups and downs in everyone’s life. All undergo different life experiences. Everyone is trained to be perfect in different social technique of life.
Never be greedy for others approval as they don’t understand you. They will not even try to understand your responsibilities and situations in your life. But they will be the first ones to pass on any shitty judgement about you.
“Others definitely have no power over your worth”
If you hate yourself because of something you did in the past, then also you are wrong, because your past doesn’t define you.
You can never change the past and it’s an inevitable truth. Past experiences can give you trauma in life, but anyways, you cannot spend your life in fear of failure.
“You have to live and win every situation in life”
“Be confident and thrive every moment. “
“The past helps you learn and grow into a better and stronger person”
Always remember that you are a beautiful soul in this great and big world. In the time to come their maybe so many great things that you achieve and accomplish in life and you live so many amazing memories in your life. And you will look back in your past life, then smile, feel proud and thank god for all those bitter experiences in life that made you stronger and conditioned your mind to success and happiness.
Qn: My friends embarrass me. Whenever I hang out with my office group, they leave me embarrassed at the end. They sometimes make me feel less worthy. How do I change this?
If you have a habit of spending most of the time in a group of people who know you personally, then most likely you are vulnerable to feeling unworthy in your life.
So the remedy is to keep them at bay i.e. at an appreciable safe distance and then you will minify the possibility that you will ever be ashamed.
There is a negative side to it, though. There is a saying:
“When the snow falls and the white winds blow, The Lone wolf dies but the pack survives”
If you leave your group then maybe you become lonely and stress out your mind. But you have to find a way to convert that loneliness into blissful solitude.
This is because the
“Solitude” is something that is very powerful and very few can handle it.
But if you want to live your life fully and truly, you have to explore the perks of solitude in life.
A human being is a social animal so it is very difficult to be alone, but “being alone is an unmatched power“.
We love a big and friendly social circle, we love social gatherings and celebrations.
But as we increase our social circle, we also increase our possibility of getting judged and being hurt as well.
Remember:
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”
>> This could give us sleepless nights and trauma that will haunt us for a very long time. If you deeply understand what I am saying!
>> Then there will be a time when you will find a way to run away from your group of friends and just to live your life in peace.
So, if we count on expert advice, we find out that at the end of everything, people just want one thing and that is peace.
People just want to be happy in life. They are ready to give away every precious collection of their life just to buy some more time for blissful living.
It is a misconception that if you are not talking with people or serving them manually, your life is unworthy. It’s totally false.
It is a digital age and you can be at home and you can reach the world easily, your voice can reach the millions, and your thoughts can reach the readers through awesome blogs.
>> You can teach the world and make them learn things.
>> You can help them grow, get out of trauma in which you had been yourself some day and have found a way to get out of it.
This service of you can be a great favor to the world itself.
You will be useful to many and your life will be a lot more worthy.
People will start following in your footsteps.
You may become an idol to many.
Qn: Why can’t I appreciate myself, and feel so empty. How can I change myself? I want everyone to leave me and nothing else. What should I do?
See, if you are feeling this way then it’s pretty sure that your mind needs the approval of others.
You feel that you are not self-sufficient.
To get out of this, you need to build a habit of self-love.
>> You need to practice gratitude.
>> You need to build a habit of affirmations and overall,
> You need to be strong, buddy.
“If you don’t like it, change it.
If you can’t change it, change yourself”
But I don’t think I will ever come out of this Sweet Honey Trap!
You may be in a situation where you feel impossible to come out of it because someone you love in your life is being totally unreasonable about everything and expecting more and more out of you.
Maybe you are facing anxiety issues and your social anxiety is at such a high level that you worry in excess of everything and you are always in a state of a confused mind.
Sometimes we make mistakes in social group that leaves us in a long-term depression.
Let me give you an example: There was a boy near my house and he was just 15 years old. He decided to be in a group of a few other boys who were over 30 years of age approximately.
So one day, they decided to steal a car. They stole it and then after few days they were caught by the police. Then the 15-year-old boy also decided to get his trial in court with other adults, which was a completely foolish decision. He felt that it will increase his social standing.
This proved to be the worst decision of his life because later he faced numerous problems in his life.
Like # Difficulty in getting a job,
# Getting social acceptance in the society he lived,
# He was ignored by all,
# He was judged everywhere he went,
# His parents couldn’t find a good match for him because he had been to jail he was not accepted socially.
# It became very hard for the boy to find friends of his own age group.
Conclusion: We see that just for increasing his social standing, that boy took the wrong decision in court and it just ruined his whole life, and gave him a lifetime of depression and loneliness and sadness, you name it.
So, it is evident that you should never take your important decisions to impress others.
But every problem has a solution, right? Every major religion has a repentance process where people accept their sins and try to recover their self-respect and repent the actions they have committed. They try to be more useful to the people, so as to get social acceptance and gain respect in the society.
With very good research it is also found that with or without God there is one more way to recover from your own bad behavior and “that is just to stop doing the work that is making you unhappy and take disciplined measures to make things right”
Qn: I feel like an idiot. I can never seem to do anything right and I feel useless, worthless, and hopeless. I feel like I don’t deserve to be happy and like I’ll never be happy again. What do I do?
You’re not useless, no one on the earth is useless. If you are born then it was out of a plan of the “Infinite Intelligence (God)”.
Even a corpse is useful because it becomes a source of nutrition for scavengers.
Everyone is useful to another in some or the other way.
Everyone has a role to play in the growth of the universe. You breathe out carbon dioxide, which is useful for plants, and also there are many several bacteria that survive on you.
So yes, you are worthy and be proud of yourself that you are given a chance to be born and be gracious to God.
But instead of worrying about being worthy, you should ask a different question.
That how can I love myself? How can I increase my self- worth? Be optimistic always!
Ans: You can successfully increase your self-worth with the disciplined mind which will help you grow and be a more productive person.
If you are a student then:
>> Start concentrating more on studies,
>> Learn to focus,
>> Start helping people,
>> Start being more social,
>> Read a lot of books,
>> Read self-help books,
>> Cultivate a hobby that serves well.
Similarly, if you are a grown-up then:
>> Increase the number of hours you work,
>> Give meaning to your life,
>> If in case you are jobless and the companies refuse to provide you a job, then join an NGO and try to set up your own business or learn a new skill and implement it.
This will definitely help you in the journey called life.
All the best for that.
Love yourself unconditionally, and take time to bring all these qualities into your habit because “great things take time”.
Now I will give a simple exercise: as soon as you wake up in the morning just close your eyes again and say thank you 10 times, be thankful that you are alive again, and be thankful that you are blessed to see another day.
Say, thank you that I am able to read,
>> Thank you for my wonderful parents,
>> Thank you that I am healthy,
>> Thank you that today I will have food in my belly,
>> Thank you for my electronic gadgets,
>> Thank you for connecting me to the world,
>> Thank you for my friends,
>> Thank you for my family,
>> Thank you for the beautiful nature around me,
>> Thank you for the trees,
>> Thank you for the air I breathe,
>> Thank you for the mesmerizing stars, the moon and the sea and be thankful for everything you can think of and you are grateful for.
Do this gratitude exercise every day in the morning.
Whenever you come across a mirror and see your face just repeat that “I am more than I appear to be, all the world’s power and strength rests in me”.
Repeat “Today is gonna be a great day and I will get what I deserve and I know that I deserve abundance”
# Respect yourself,
# Accept yourself as you are,
# Love yourself
Say that “I am enough” at least 3 times a day,
# Hug yourself,
# Embrace yourself and
# Heal yourself.
Before going to bed at night, close your eyes and get rid of all your electronics one hour before you sleep.
Close your eyes and repeat this:
“I forgive myself and others for mistakes made knowingly or unknowingly”.
“I accept and respect and honor myself exactly as I am”
Practice this forgiveness exercise every night and you will see a perfect positive change.
Qn: What is the point, why am I here? I’m useless to everyone around me. I feel so angry and sad all the time. I feel my life is meaningless, boring and lonely like so many others.
A feeling is everything. People travel, exotic destinations just to feel good. People create a good social stand, just to feel respected. Feeling good, feeling mesmerized, and feeling loved and cared for all are very costly. Hope you understand what I mean. Therefore,
>> Feelings are essential
>> Feelings are “internal.”
>> Feelings are “relational.”
>> Feelings are “dynamic.”
I was myself in this trap, but let me tell you one thing.
“You are wrong with your attitude toward yourself”
# You feel worthless because you always think negative,
# You always imagine the worst possible outcome,
# You always feel inferior to yourself when comparing own self to others.
# You are confused most of the time,
# You have a habit of overthinking and
# Most important, you don’t value yourself and you don’t love yourself.
That is the reason you feel worthless most of the time.
So my advice to you is if you want to stop this feeling of overthinking then:
>> Just start believing in yourself,
>> Stop comparing yourself to others,
>> Stop complaining and
>> Stop criticizing any situation or any person.
>> Stop doing things that hurt you the most,
>> Mind your thoughts, protect your thoughts.
Your happy situation depends on how you want to see yourself.
So, make a decision to build a powerful personality.
>> Elevate your self-respect in your own eyes,
>> Raise your worth,
>> Appreciate your actions,
>> Don’t ever care about other people.
Let me tell you one thing, if you don’t consider yourself worthy, then other people will think the same of you.
To live a life worthwhile, first and foremost, you have to believe in your own mind that your worth is the highest and you deserve abundance. Because “everything is created twice, first in the garden of your mind and then and only then in reality”
you have to follow a simple rule that
“Others may say bad things about you, but you may never speak bad words about yourself”
Everyone has flaws, no one is perfect, but it takes effort to accept yourself just the way you are.
>> Love yourself,
>> Spend time with yourself in solitude,
>> Do progressive self-talk.
Because of all the pain you are putting me through, I am going to make it my personal goal to try to make sure that no one feels worthless.
References:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feel_Good_(TV_series)